Memories in the Snow
by Absol Master
Summary: Oneshot. Look at the snow, what do you see? Lost dreams, broken and vanishing? Simply joy? Innocence? Danger? Even...regret? For I see it all. I wish I had another chance...


Sorry for how long it took to update and/or review your fanfics! I was on holiday. I went to Cameron Highlands, which is a cold place, so that made it much easier to write this. It's got the same title as one of the MIDI songs I composed, inspired by a lot of things put together.

**1** My song. The person it was dedicated to said that it reminded her of children playing in the snow.

**2** Azura by Randomness from Boredom. There was this particular scene that strangely moved me a lot, and remained stuck in my mind after I had finished that chapter—Azura being pushed off a cliff of some kind in El Nath. That bit was really really nice (so is the rest of the fic), so I was sorta inspired to write something about snow.

**3** Fairy Tale by Kal Ancalas. Argh, the best oneshot EVER. It was so touching that I felt like writing something like that (but still not as good!)

**4** Memories of the Forgotten by CrapPishh. ACK It was so great and so sad that I really wanted to write something, non-poem, I mean. Oh my goodness I kept thinking about what's going to happen next update every day of my holiday, till I couldn't sleep! I even dreamt of it! UPDATE!!

**5** Reviews for Hands of the Clock. At least 3 people said that they wanted more stories of the same style, so here it is.

Be forewarned that this story is not as good as Hands of the Clock, nor is it as good as any of the abovementioned fanfics. If you are interested in either my holiday or my song, PM me, or say so in the review.

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Dedicated to **CrapPishh**, who had to sit under the hot sun for hours a day in a tropical country.

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... Memories in the snow ...

_how i wish... i had another chance..._

All my life, I have lived in El Nath. All my life, my world has been surrounded by snow. Glimmering, untouched and pure—white shining fields, nothing in sight except the earth and the sky, where I can see my own soul, hear all my thoughts. In the midst of the snow, I can lose myself and become one with the heavens, heal my doubts and feel the world turn.

All my life, you too have been at my side. I still recall the days we spent together, innocent, careless, doubtless, playing silly children's games in the snow. You used to call out a warning, laughing, as your side of the snowball fight started to pelt mine with snowballs, white as the ground itself. I remember laughing in response, watching as you ducked below your fortress wall, shiny brown hair fluttering about under your red fur hat. Those were beautiful days, a dream of unbelievable fantasy that now still echoes in my eyes.

I remember growing up in El Nath, watching the world change around me. You changed as well, became bolder, more sociable, more _beautiful. _I remember sitting on the rooftop of the potion shop with you, our old games forgotten, now replaced by calm, quiet pastimes like this. We watched snow doves fly by the sunset in the coldest weather, through the darkest storms. You thought that these birds were a symbol of love, braving all weathers and always reaching their destinations. I remember you saying that whenever one of them landed near one, it meant that someone was saying "I love you" to him or her. I shook my head at that superstition, and now, I wonder how much about love we really understood then.

The snows remained clear and cool, and we still knew little then, still two friends watching the iridescent skies fade from mauve-rose to frozen, starry black. I wish we still were, that time had frozen us into that world forever.

We started to train soon after—you as an archer, and I as a mage. Though our paths diverged there, I travelled, training hard for those years, anticipating eagerly the day when I would return home and see you again. I did, finally, meeting you in a chance encounter in Mu Lung one day when we were both sixteen, almost ready to advance to our third jobs. Since the day we had parted four years ago, you had changed even more, now such a beauty, with so much strength in your eyes. You were no longer the same, but you were still just as kind to me when we met.

Finally, third jobs achieved, we returned to our home, success under our wings. We greeted the snows with happiness that day, the skies so bright and blue and the land shining under the sun, as it had all our lives. I missed it, and I knew that you did too—our home, the snow that held a thousand memories for us. We agreed that someday, we would both reach our fourth jobs, and defeat Horned Tail together in Leafre.

Then, inevitably, I began to fall for you­—you were such a cheerful girl, with a smile for me all the time, and I started to love you more and more. But you still treated me the same, as if we were still the two children that we used to be. You seemed to have no feelings for me whatsoever, and so I tried, too, to stay the same, to be your best friend and no more. Yet, every night, I secretly dreamt of you, wishing that I could gather the strength, the courage, to tell you how I felt. You only remained just as close, just as distant.

I had so many chances! I came so close to telling you everyday. But I kept changing the subject, losing courage at the last moment. _Tell her quick, before I can't anymore, _I kept telling myself. _I'm not going to be given the whole of eternity to confess!_

I kept putting it off, _another day! Another day! _Every time I caught sight of you, I felt myself grow stupid, and I never dared.

Then, there came a day in the midst of winter, when we were both eighteen. A storm raged outside the potion shop as you told me that you had been asked to deliver a letter to the Dead Mine, far across the hills and fields of snow. You said that there was nothing to worry about, that you would be safely back in four days at most. I believed you too. You were already three levels from your fourth job advancement! Nothing there could possibly harm you.

And I only waved you goodbye, smiled, and wished you a safe journey. I watched as you entered the blizzard, and your figure merged with the snow.

Four days later, you had not returned. I had spent every day of your absence watching the window, wanting to see you more than ever, feeling resolved and ready to tell you that I loved you, ready to take any response you'd give. My parents were worried about why I hardly ate or slept, why I spent all day staring out at the snow.

It was that day, the fourth day you were gone, that I made the choice to search for you.

Out into the darkness I stepped, out of the comfort I had known for so long, into the wild storm over the wonderland of our childhood.

Through the snow that pelted on my skin, into my eyes, I fought my fear and the wind, hoping with all my heart that you were alright, somewhere out there in a safe place. This was a side of El Nath that I had never seen before, a side of my home that _scared _me.

Hours after I set out, long hours of gruelling battle against the Yetis, Pepes and wolves that roamed the grounds, I found myself longing for shelter, hands numb and weak. A cave stood in the distance and made my way there, muscles devoid of feeling, skin freezing on my flesh.

That was when I saw something, some_one's _body lain by the cave mouth. Long brown hair, fancy robes, and a familiar bow—

No. It couldn't be. It simply _couldn't _have happened.

But as I neared the body, _you_, I knew, a dark veil falling over me, that it was all real, that it had happened.

I called your name to the sky and I fell down to my knees beside you, as my world turned into a frozen wasteland. I should have told it all to you, told you how much I loved you! I was so stupid. Now you were gone, and no matter how much I tried not to believe it, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that it wasn't true, that it was all a lie, I knew that we would never talk again. That you were never going to become a Bow Master. That we would never defeat Horned Tail together.

And then I realised, all our lives, we had loved the snow, played in it, and thought that it was a friend. How wrong we were. It had turned on us, taken you away from the world forever. It wasn't beautiful anymore, only cold and cruel. A traitor.

Oh, now as I look back, I feel so utterly silly, kneeling there and wishing that you would wake up, shouting "surprise!" like you used to when we were kids, wishing that it was just a practical joke we could laugh off together. I knew so well that there was nothing I could do, and that I had already lost you to the relentless ice, but still, I hoped stupidly.

Looking down on your beloved face, the face I had known since childhood, that I had watched changing through all the years, I brushed the snow out of your hair. Your face was frozen in the expression it had been at the moment you had died, eyes closed calmly, as if you had simply fallen asleep, and would open your eyes to the sky any moment, and I could finally say all that I wanted to to you.

Then I realised, maybe it wasn't so bad that you had died out here in the snow. It had enfolded you in safety, kept your face away from decay, so that I could see you this one last time.

Sweeping the ice off your cheeks, images rushed across my mind, not just images—memories, memories of our days long before I had fallen in love with you, before we had begun our adventures, a memory of a distant snowball fight in the flickering past, a world that had been locked away long ago along with our innocence. Memories of our days watching sunsets on roofs, of your smiles, of our vanished hopes and dreams.

"I love you." Finally, I had said those three words that I had not dared to say for so long.

But what was the use now? _Stupid me! There's no point saying it now, she'll never hear me! _Tears were flooding my eyes, but I refused to let them go. There wasn't any point, no point crying over something I couldn't change. Maybe I would learn from this and remember not to repeat this mistake next time. That was the most I could make of this.

Then, at that moment, I heard a distressed, rumbling coo from the stormy sky. From the blur, a white bird descended onto the ground beside me, fluffing up its feathers as it gave its melodious call again. It was a snow dove.

It came closer to me and pressed itself against my arm, seeking warmth, at the same time bringing sudden, moving comfort to me.

_I...love you? _

_...I..._

It was then that my resolve broke, and I began to cry for the first time in nine years, like a young child who had just been injured. For injured I was, by love and joy, by the echoes of laughter, by shattered dreams that now flew away on the icy wind.

_I love you too._

Holding your cold, ice-covered hand, I began to relive the beautiful past, wishing there were some way to start over, maybe even to speak to your soul. It was something that I would have believed in as a child, but now I wasn't a child anymore. It was just a lie, the afterlife. You were just a memory now. But that was a memory that I would never lose.

A memory, safe in the snow, forever.

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You know, after I finished writing, I didn't feel sad, or touched or anything. I was just disappointed. So if you were touched, have a cookie (as CrapPishh would say). And if you cried while reading it, have a triple deluxe gigantic cookie with your favourite ice-cream on top. It's on me.


End file.
